Perfect Dutch oven Biscuits Story
Perfect biscuits
I cannot make biscuits but I can fish and I do catch many fish when I go fishing. Fish catching is my analogy for failed biscuits. Those who can catch fish cannot make biscuits, its pure logic. They say some people just have a gift or perhaps they have chemistry that just makes certain things work right. I seem to have the chemistry to catch fish, easily and quickly. It just works for me, heck I have caught fish while surrounded by other people who were not catching fish, I must be very gifted that way.
Biscuits give me fits of agony spiked with pains of continuous defeat and scars of utter humiliation. Perhaps all of this is the price of being able to catch fish; I can almost accept that. Flat, rock hard biscuits or a stringer of fish, tough choice but I really wish I could make biscuits.
Less baking soda, more baking soda, butter instead of lard, lard instead of butter, don't over mix, let the biscuits rest, crowd them, give them breathing room; fishing is less complicated. I have pre-heated my oven, greased the pan, tried Dutch ovens and a dozen different recipes, all to no avail.
Not very long ago I was cooking with some friends with our Dutch ovens, several of us had prepared multiple recipes for this day and now that we were done, it was time to clean up. Sandy, whom I consider an expert Dutch oven cook was wandering around the group exclaiming to all that the biscuit he was eating was “Absolutely the best biscuits he has ever eaten in his life.”
What? Someone made biscuits and I missed them at chow time, I thought. This was indeed high claim if Sandy is trying to find the makers recipe.
Sandy approaching me asking, “Gary, are you the maker of these amazing biscuits?”
“No” I replied as I continued to clean up my cook area but I can catch fish I wanted to scream!
I quickly hollered over to Bill who was just off to my right, cleaning up his area and asked if he had made the biscuits. “Yep” he replied.
Now frustration roars loudly in my head, mentally screaming “But can you catch fish?”
“Bill, Sandy here says these are the best biscuits he has ever eaten and wants the recipe” I managed to grumble.
“Sure” Bill states, never being one to waste words, as he bends over and reaches into the garbage pulling out an empty bag of Pillsbury ready to serve biscuits
“Here is the recipe” Bill states through his mile wide grin.
I roared with laughter and joy as Sandy's astonishment registered on his face. The best biscuit in the world just came out of a bag!
“Sandy” I stated, “Bill is a great fisherman but he can't make biscuits” Sandy's astonishment grew into bewilderment as I pointed out the logic behind perfect biscuits and fishing. “There are those who fish and catch fish and there are those who make biscuits and can’t catch fish but make perfect biscuits” these are the facts of my life.
“It’s pure simple logic” I exclaimed.
All along, mentally registering “Pillsbury ready to serve biscuits” in the back of my head for my next attempt at “Perfect Biscuits”
